It’s Not Yours to Carry

If you don't have time for the things you want in your life, I bet it's because you're carrying around more than what's yours.

Here's what I mean by that. In the past, when someone I cared about was struggling, I'd make it my mission to fix it. I'd try to convince them they could have something better. I'd offer solution after solution. I'd spend hours on the phone with them, checking in to make sure they were ok, talking them down.

And I would get so frustrated because none of it worked. And that's because it was never mine to fix in the first place.

Around the time I turned 50, I looked around and realized something eye-opening: no one was worrying about me the way I was worrying about everyone else. And that was a major contributor to the mess my life had become. Being preoccupied with everyone around me, I wasn't taking care of myself and what mattered to me.

And that meant I had to stop carrying things that didn't belong to me - outcomes that weren't mine to decide.

There's a concept in psychology called "the separation of tasks." The idea is simple: figure out whose task something is. If the consequences belong to someone else, the task belongs to them too.

Here's what that looks like for me now:

I stay close to the people I care about. I offer help when I can. But I don't try to control the outcome. If they don't take my advice, that's their choice. And the result of that choice belongs to them, not me.

Because when you stop carrying what isn't yours, you suddenly have time and energy for what is. Your life. Your goals. Your peace.

That's been one of my secrets to building a life I love. Not doing more - but carrying less.