I Didn't Ask for Permission

When I opened my first business in 2001, an online baby gift boutique called Blueberry Babies, I wanted it to look bigger than it was. 

So I set up email addresses for departments that didn't exist. A whole company's worth of inboxes. Every single one of them was me.

I thought that was confidence. It wasn't. It was hiding. I was so busy acting like the business I wished I had that I never got to enjoy the one I actually had. 

Nine years later, at 50, I started my Virtual Assistant business, RocketGirl Solutions, with a spiral notebook and no clients. 

And I did something different that time. I set my rate at $50 an hour, the number I needed to replace a six-figure salary. Before a single client had paid it. Before anyone told me I was allowed. 

That wasn't pretending. That was deciding. 

Here's what I finally understood: 

Pretending is about what other people think of you. Living as if is about how you show up for yourself. 

The first one is exhausting. The second one is the most freeing thing I know. 

I hear some version of "once I have X, then I'll..." from my students all the time. Once I have three clients, then I'll relax. Once the money is steady, then I'll take a day off. Once it all works, then I'll enjoy it. 

I understand it. I spent years believing happy was the prize at the end.

But happy doesn't work that way. It doesn't show up after the clients. It shows up when you decide it's allowed to. 

These days, I take care of myself. I don't fill my cart with quick foods I'll regret. I buy ingredients that take care of my body. I work out with a trainer so I can stay healthy and fit as I get older. 

That isn't a reward for when the business is finished. It's how I live now.

Living as if doesn't mean pretending every week is perfect. Some weeks are clunky. Some days the inbox wins. 

It means you stop treating your real life like a waiting room. 

Decide your rate. Set your hours. Take the walk. Answer the email from the woman you already are, not the one you're waiting to become. 

The life comes after you start living it. Not before.