I Stopped Leading With This

I used to think people wouldn't like me if everything was good. 

Not consciously. But somewhere deep down, I believed that struggling made me a better friend. More human. More real. 

If I said things were going well, I'd feel like I was bragging and it would make the other person feel bad.

So I led with what was wrong. I'd meet a friend for coffee and we'd trade struggles. Her boss. My taxes. Her marriage. My business. We'd nod and sigh and say "I know, right?" and it felt like connection. 

But it wasn't connection. It was commiseration. 

And here's what I didn't understand: all that focus on what was wrong was keeping it wrong. 

I thought I was processing. I thought I was problem-solving. I thought talking about it would help me figure it out. 

But I wasn't figuring anything out. I was just spinning. Running the same stories over and over in my head. Rehearsing my struggles. Staying stuck. 

At one point, I had so many things that needed to change I didn't know where to start. My finances were a mess. My business was failing. My marriage was falling apart. I was overwhelmed by all of it. 

And I kept talking about all of it. To anyone who would listen. Because that's what I thought you were supposed to do. 

Then something shifted. 

I stopped. 

I stopped thinking about the problems all the time. I stopped leading with what was wrong. I stopped ruminating. I stopped bonding over struggles.

And I started leading with what was right. 

It felt strange at first. Like I was pretending. Like I was leaving out important parts of my life.

But here's what happened: when I stopped focusing on the problems, I could finally see past them. 

I got clear on what I actually wanted. Not what I was running from. What I was running toward. 

I found a coach who could help me get there. I stopped trying to figure it out alone. 

And slowly, the outside started matching the inside. 

The path to the life I wanted had been there the whole time. I just couldn't see it through all the noise. 

I'm not saying problems aren't real. They are. But your attention is a valuable resource. And where you put it matters. 

You can spend your energy rehearsing what's wrong. Or you can spend it building what's right for you.